God I want to want you like I want the Hunger Games

We are all trapped. My pastor said so and it has to be true right. But do I believe it? Do I feel trapped? Am I really trapped? I know that someone in jail is trapped. They broke the law and are paying the consequence. An alcoholic is trapped. A person that abuses drugs is trapped. Am I any better? Do I feel better? Are the consequences of my sin less. I don't deserve to be in jail. I deserve death. The wages of sin are death. What does that mean? See for a bit I lost that. It means that I have worked for and earned death. The payment for my actions is death. At my job I earn wages for consistently completing my work. In this world I have earned death for consistently completing my work of sin. Sometimes it is obvious. I let anger have the best of me as a yell at my kids. I speed on the highway justifying it because I am in a hurry. But are those the sin that earn me death? Yes, I have broken the rule and those are both sin but if I am honest are those the sins that I am trapped in? No for me most of the sin is hidden deep within my heart. You could look at me and never know the depths of my heart.

Let me digress on an ADHD tangent that shouldn't surprise anyone who really knows me. I love the HUNGER GAMES. I mean love. We are talking a -i read the first book in 36 hours- love. We are talking a readallthreebookswithinaweek love. We are talking a -stayed up until 2am reading- love. We are talking a -considered pulling out my nook at a red light to read- love. We are talking a -told everyone that they MUST read it- love. I could keep going but let's just assume that you got the point. A friend posted on Facebook this morning that she was up quite late reading the book and I chuckled at the addiction that is the Hunger Games. Then I had this sickening feeling. Now this post is not about the friend. She is an amazing Christian that also updates about what God is doing in her life and is a great mom and wife. This is about my heart. I had this gross sickening feeling.

I felt trapped. Like an animal in a cage desperate for something. Then the question came to mind. "God do I want you like I want the Hunger Games? Am I desperate for you?" I began to ponder the last time that I was up until wee hours of the morning yearning to read what God had for my life. When was the last time I spent talking to someone about what God could do for them? When was the last time that I suggested a good read and the book was the Bible? So my prayer now is this...Lord, I want to long for you like I long for the sinful things in my life. I want to thirst for you like a dying man. I want to know how trapped, sinful and weak that I truly am. I want to want you. I have no idea what the outcome of such a prayer will be but I pray that he shows me the depths of my sin and the trap that enslaves me. Because the wages of sin are death but THE GIFT OF GOD IS ETERNAL LIFE. Thank you Lord for happy endings when we follow you.