The kids were small and we were given a little plastic 4x4 from one of my husband's coworkers. We had two small kids and buying a Hotwheel was not something we would have been able to afford. They just gave it to us. What a blessing that little gift was.The truth is that when you have kids they are constantly outgrowing clothes, toys, books etc. When they are done with these things, I would be nice to be able to recuperate some of my money by selling them to someone. I could post them on Craigslist and maybe make a few bucks. Have you ever sold something on Craigslist though?? Crazies! That, my friends, is who is out there and wants to buy my stuff crazies I tell ya.
I have made a concious decision to quit selling things. When I bought the things, I never bought them in hopes to recoup come of my money later. I bought it because the price was something I was willing to pay to own the thing. This keeps me from buying something hoping to maybe make back some money when I am done. If I am not willing to pay the whole price, I don't get it.
Here is what has happened since I made that choice. I haven't made a PENNY! But I have had so much fun looking at my stuff and deciding who could be blessed by it. I gave a beautiful bike that my daughter barely used before she outgrew to an adorable girl being fostered by a family at my church. I gave away a fire pit. A few more bikes.. man they outgrow those things quickly. Now when I am getting rid of something instead of dealing with a Craigslist Crazy, I get to bless someone. And that is a wonderful feeling. I would challenge you to look at your house and see what you can bless someone else with...
Monday, May 4, 2015
Monday, April 27, 2015
Coming out...
A few people knew.... I had blogged and linked to Facebook but who clicks on those things. Kyle asked if we would make a little video for our church to see. I convinced myself that it would just be our church. Just our church. Then the word YouTube was mentioned. But let's be real...it wasn't strangers that I was worried about. It was the people that I knew. It was my Facebook friends. I only use the F word because that's what Facebook calls them. Facebook tells me that those people are my friends but are they?
I sat there next to him. My mom grabbed the kids from Children's Church and brought them down to us. We sat there. Together. The four of us. The screen came up. It was our story on the big screen. It was me rambling about not giving up and Chris sitting there quietly. In my defense, he did talk during the interview. It wasn't much but he did. The video is less than 10 minutes long. But when you sit there in your church and watch people hear your story. You are coming out. The dirt...yeah people are hearing it, looking at it. You are coming out. And that is rare.
I could easily tell you 10 stories of divorce without struggling to recall. I could get you more than 20 if you gave me some time to think. Maybe 30. Ugly stories. Stories of regret. Stories of pain. Let's flip the script though. Tell me a story of reconcilliation. A story of a couple that battled and made it through. Someone that overcame the odds and made it to the other side. I have TWO. And I don't know either of those couples. I want to know them and talk with them but since they are a friend of a friend it would come off a little stalkerish and well that just normally doesn't go well. Why don't I know stories of couples that have battled and succeeded. Because Satan sucks! We hide. We cover up. We just don't share our dirt with people. WHY?? Let's open the Bible and read stories of hookers, sinners, tax collectors, and oozing wounds. Then we go into the church and we are perfect , coordinated and pretending. I am not saying that we need to go out and tell the cashier at Target that we just kicked our husband out of the house earlier and that this whole container of Ben and Jerry's will be eaten alone in the tub after we put the kids in bed tonight. That would be oversharing. Although, I do tend to oversharesometimes often SUPER often. Let's be real. Don't ask me "How are you today?" if you don't have 15 minutes. Why do people ask that if they don't want an aswer??
The video happened. People watched. Friends were surprised. This part made me feel about two inches tall. I hate when people are fake. And yet they were surprised. Maybe I don't overshare as much as I thought I do. My favorite part was when people wanted to talk. See the talking part is my favorite part of Jesus' ministry. That and the eating. I love that he loved to eat with people in their homes. I love when people have me over to feed me. But the talking....that's when hearts are changed. I listened to people that were touched and that made coming out worthwhile. Then I could breathe. I was out. Weeks passed and there were no negative ripples. No repercussions.
Then the video was shared on our church's Facebook page. It was late in the evening and like all mature adults I was laying in bed playing on Facebook before I went to sleep. I clicked "share to timeline" and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and the amount of likes, shares, private messages, text messages and comments blessed my soul. You TOLD your story. You shared with me the battles you had been through or were going through. You blessed my soul. You were honest and as a result of that I knew to pray for you and how to pray for you. When we did the video, I decided that I wanted to touch ONE MARRIAGE. Just one.... I am sure that I make God giggle often.
Here is what I would ask you. SHARE YOUR STORY. Tell someone. For the love of pasta...talk to someone about what you are going through or have went through. Share. If you don't think you have anyone to tell. Tell me.
If you haven't seen the video click the linky below. Right now I just feel super excited that it has been viewed 109 times. Although, I must confess nine of those have been me. Call me lame but I sit in AWE of what God brought me and my family through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQjTcCEVcNs
I sat there next to him. My mom grabbed the kids from Children's Church and brought them down to us. We sat there. Together. The four of us. The screen came up. It was our story on the big screen. It was me rambling about not giving up and Chris sitting there quietly. In my defense, he did talk during the interview. It wasn't much but he did. The video is less than 10 minutes long. But when you sit there in your church and watch people hear your story. You are coming out. The dirt...yeah people are hearing it, looking at it. You are coming out. And that is rare.
I could easily tell you 10 stories of divorce without struggling to recall. I could get you more than 20 if you gave me some time to think. Maybe 30. Ugly stories. Stories of regret. Stories of pain. Let's flip the script though. Tell me a story of reconcilliation. A story of a couple that battled and made it through. Someone that overcame the odds and made it to the other side. I have TWO. And I don't know either of those couples. I want to know them and talk with them but since they are a friend of a friend it would come off a little stalkerish and well that just normally doesn't go well. Why don't I know stories of couples that have battled and succeeded. Because Satan sucks! We hide. We cover up. We just don't share our dirt with people. WHY?? Let's open the Bible and read stories of hookers, sinners, tax collectors, and oozing wounds. Then we go into the church and we are perfect , coordinated and pretending. I am not saying that we need to go out and tell the cashier at Target that we just kicked our husband out of the house earlier and that this whole container of Ben and Jerry's will be eaten alone in the tub after we put the kids in bed tonight. That would be oversharing. Although, I do tend to overshare
The video happened. People watched. Friends were surprised. This part made me feel about two inches tall. I hate when people are fake. And yet they were surprised. Maybe I don't overshare as much as I thought I do. My favorite part was when people wanted to talk. See the talking part is my favorite part of Jesus' ministry. That and the eating. I love that he loved to eat with people in their homes. I love when people have me over to feed me. But the talking....that's when hearts are changed. I listened to people that were touched and that made coming out worthwhile. Then I could breathe. I was out. Weeks passed and there were no negative ripples. No repercussions.
Then the video was shared on our church's Facebook page. It was late in the evening and like all mature adults I was laying in bed playing on Facebook before I went to sleep. I clicked "share to timeline" and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and the amount of likes, shares, private messages, text messages and comments blessed my soul. You TOLD your story. You shared with me the battles you had been through or were going through. You blessed my soul. You were honest and as a result of that I knew to pray for you and how to pray for you. When we did the video, I decided that I wanted to touch ONE MARRIAGE. Just one.... I am sure that I make God giggle often.
Here is what I would ask you. SHARE YOUR STORY. Tell someone. For the love of pasta...talk to someone about what you are going through or have went through. Share. If you don't think you have anyone to tell. Tell me.
If you haven't seen the video click the linky below. Right now I just feel super excited that it has been viewed 109 times. Although, I must confess nine of those have been me. Call me lame but I sit in AWE of what God brought me and my family through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQjTcCEVcNs
Friday, February 13, 2015
What we want to and don't want to do...
I am a runner.
There.
I said it.
I am a runner.
I never wanted to be a runner.
I wasn't going to be a runner.
I saw an Instagram post challenging people to run a Hot Chocolate 5k. I had to google how far 5k was. I knew that I couldn't run the whole thing. I didn't know that I would be able to finish the whole thing. What I did know is that the hoodie was adorable!! The other thing that I have learned in life is that horrible things are always more fun if you find someone to do it with you.
There.
I said it.
I am a runner.
I never wanted to be a runner.
I wasn't going to be a runner.
I saw an Instagram post challenging people to run a Hot Chocolate 5k. I had to google how far 5k was. I knew that I couldn't run the whole thing. I didn't know that I would be able to finish the whole thing. What I did know is that the hoodie was adorable!! The other thing that I have learned in life is that horrible things are always more fun if you find someone to do it with you.
That could be the reason I decided to once jump into an icy cold lake in New York over Senior
Trip. I would have never done that alone and been seen as a sane person. Yet somehow
jumping into a freezing lake with friends is a memory and no longer a reason to be
checked into a room with padded walls.
Trip. I would have never done that alone and been seen as a sane person. Yet somehow
jumping into a freezing lake with friends is a memory and no longer a reason to be
checked into a room with padded walls.
Back on track. So I wanted to "run" a 5k and needed to recruit some crazies to do it with me. First on the list of any crazy adventure that I go on is the Bestie. If you go back to my freezing lake story, yeah she jumped too. I could give you a whole post dedicated to crazy stuff that woman and I have done together. So a recruited her and some others. After a bit, we had a group of women doing this thing called a Couch to 5k. The premise behind that program is so get your hiney off of the couch and out of the door. You pop your earbuds in and follow directions. The nice, friendly voice tells you when to walk and when to do a "light jog". These little bouts of jogging are not measured by how fast or far you go but by getting out there and doing it. I remember during one 60 second period jogging telling that nice friendly voice how I felt about her telling me to jog and begging her to just for the love of all things wonderful to LET ME WALK!!
Those early runs were awkward and painful. I would get this horrible burning feeling in my thighs that I was convinced would never go away. I couldn't breathe well. I was uncoordinated and my arms didn't know where to go or what to do. I felt unbalanced and lanky. IT WAS HORRIBLE! Here is what kept me going. Someone had started a group text of all of these ladies and we would check in after our running. We would brag when we nailed the day's training and whine when it was painful. No one ever made me reply but after a few days of my friends continually updating thatstupid wonderful group text I knew I needed to do better and get out there more.
Here is the honest truth. It was something that I wanted to do. Not a single soul on this earth had forced me to sign up. Go back to that one more time. It was something that I wanted to do but I was not doing it. I am a grown woman. Why in God's green earth would I be avoiding something that I wanted to do? Here is the truth. It was new and uncomfortable and I am lazy. There was always something easier to do. Watching Netflix is easy and comfortable and warm and wonderful and easy and comfortable and warm and warm and.....well you get the drift. We have this sinful nature in our soul that doesn't want to grow. I have this inner baby inside of me that wants to always be warm, well-fed and comfortable. If you put me outside of my comfort zone I get....well...uncomfortable. So I needed those kind ladies telling me about what they were doing. I needed to hear about what they were doing to spur me on. If I was looking for someone to help me binge-watch Pretty Little Liars, this was not the group. I needed help to do what I wanted to do. Here is the other truth, I could have left this group of women that were challenging me and found another group of ladies that made me more comfortable. With minimal effort, I could have found a few women (or my dear students) who were watching Pretty Little Liars and we could have texted all night. We can always, easily find people that will encourage us to stay the same often easier than we can find some to encourage us.
When I read in Romans, I see someone with the same struggle. WHY? Why would my creator make me in a way that I self-destruct? Why do I do this? Here is what I have learned, I NEED people. Yes, I am sanguine and my personality causes me to be a bit needy and overly-social. Yes, I am sanguine like a penguin. But, this need crosses all personality types. We need others to spur on a genuine change. We are created to be with each other. We are called to do what my pastor calls "doing life". To do this we need to be willing to send that message that says when we had a great day and when we had a bad one.
I challenge you to find someone today that you can be real with. Tell them what you are wanting to do and ask them to check on you. Only with the help of others will we see real change.
Romans 7:15-20 ESV
15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me
Those early runs were awkward and painful. I would get this horrible burning feeling in my thighs that I was convinced would never go away. I couldn't breathe well. I was uncoordinated and my arms didn't know where to go or what to do. I felt unbalanced and lanky. IT WAS HORRIBLE! Here is what kept me going. Someone had started a group text of all of these ladies and we would check in after our running. We would brag when we nailed the day's training and whine when it was painful. No one ever made me reply but after a few days of my friends continually updating that
Here is the honest truth. It was something that I wanted to do. Not a single soul on this earth had forced me to sign up. Go back to that one more time. It was something that I wanted to do but I was not doing it. I am a grown woman. Why in God's green earth would I be avoiding something that I wanted to do? Here is the truth. It was new and uncomfortable and I am lazy. There was always something easier to do. Watching Netflix is easy and comfortable and warm and wonderful and easy and comfortable and warm and warm and.....well you get the drift. We have this sinful nature in our soul that doesn't want to grow. I have this inner baby inside of me that wants to always be warm, well-fed and comfortable. If you put me outside of my comfort zone I get....well...uncomfortable. So I needed those kind ladies telling me about what they were doing. I needed to hear about what they were doing to spur me on. If I was looking for someone to help me binge-watch Pretty Little Liars, this was not the group. I needed help to do what I wanted to do. Here is the other truth, I could have left this group of women that were challenging me and found another group of ladies that made me more comfortable. With minimal effort, I could have found a few women (or my dear students) who were watching Pretty Little Liars and we could have texted all night. We can always, easily find people that will encourage us to stay the same often easier than we can find some to encourage us.
When I read in Romans, I see someone with the same struggle. WHY? Why would my creator make me in a way that I self-destruct? Why do I do this? Here is what I have learned, I NEED people. Yes, I am sanguine and my personality causes me to be a bit needy and overly-social. Yes, I am sanguine like a penguin. But, this need crosses all personality types. We need others to spur on a genuine change. We are created to be with each other. We are called to do what my pastor calls "doing life". To do this we need to be willing to send that message that says when we had a great day and when we had a bad one.
I challenge you to find someone today that you can be real with. Tell them what you are wanting to do and ask them to check on you. Only with the help of others will we see real change.
Romans 7:15-20 ESV
15For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. 16Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. 17So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. 18For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Infection
About a year and a half ago, I almost lost it all. I looked like I had it all together. I had a great job. I had an adoring husband that was willing to help with housework. I had an adopted daughter that was an amazing story of redemption. A surprise son that can bring down the house with his dancing. A house in the suburbs that was cozy but mine.I had it all.
It was June 2013 and my little family was camping with my parents when "the fight" happened. For a long time, I would have been convinced that you needed to know the details of "the fight". I would have listed off my husband's wrongful actions precisely and with a haughty pride that comes from a wife that is focused more on the sins of others than the hate that hardens her own heart. Now I can tell you with certainty that "the fight" was really just a moment that brought the sin in my heart and the sin in my husband's heart to a head.
Step off of the path with me for a moment while I give you a side story that defines why "the fight" was so bad.
Now back to "the fight". For years, my husband and I were both suffering from a marriage infection and "the fight" happened because it had gotten into our blood steam and was killing our marriage. We had seen well-meaning counselors, talked with friends, read books, and diagnosed ourselves. But we had never been willing to have ourselves cleaned out. Our hearts and marriage needed to be cut open and cleaned out. It needed to be bone-deep! Our issues would rise to the surface like a nasty infection and we would drain them and move on. Yet in our souls the infection grew. Here is what our infection looked like.
Anger that manifested into sin
Selfishness while never choosing to serve selflessly
Pride in what others saw in me versus what was truly there
Looking for him to be a prince while acting like the wicked queen (yup! I am gonna own that one)
Reading marriage books looking for either how to change him, manipulate him or push him into "healing"
The "roommate syndrome" - we passed off chores, kids and scheduling conflicts while forgetting that at one point in time I thought he was HOT and needed to get to that wedding night part ;)
We both became more focused on what to other person was doing wrong and quit looking in the mirror
We became experts at listing offenses!
We quit doing the small things - this is HUGE!!!
Let's just pause for a moment and let me explain something about marriage and the healing power of God. I met with an amazing friend for coffee after "the fight". We sat at a patio table in front of Starbucks and I declared to her that my husband and I were separating. When she asked why, I listed off like a poisonous viper all of the things wrong with that man that I had married. I could have went on for days... Now that I have the infection removed as I list the things that were wrong with my marriage the ones that I remember are mostly all mine. Praise be to God on that one! If you are wondering right now if you have a marriage infection...stop! Right now grab a piece of paper and write down what is broken in your marriage. If most of them are the other person's fault, then please find a counselor that is experienced in broken marriages. You are infected and my heart is breaking for you. But I can tell you this. If you have not signed the divorce papers, it is not too late! As a matter of fact, if you have signed them I would challenge you to examine your heart and see if it is still not too late.
I pray friends that you examine your life and look for any infections that you have not been treating. Maybe it's your finances, marriage, relationship with your kids, your job. Let's pray together that you have the faith to have your heart opened and drained of the infection.
Psalm 139:23 (ESV) Search me, O God and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
It was June 2013 and my little family was camping with my parents when "the fight" happened. For a long time, I would have been convinced that you needed to know the details of "the fight". I would have listed off my husband's wrongful actions precisely and with a haughty pride that comes from a wife that is focused more on the sins of others than the hate that hardens her own heart. Now I can tell you with certainty that "the fight" was really just a moment that brought the sin in my heart and the sin in my husband's heart to a head.
Step off of the path with me for a moment while I give you a side story that defines why "the fight" was so bad.
Years ago, I had a small cut in my finger that developed into a infection. I went to my regular doctor and instead saw the new kid in town. She was well meaning and had a thick accent making conversation difficult. Luckily, she could see the sore and knew what to do. Right there in the office she grabbed a scalpel and cut open the sore. She pushed and squeezed to drain this sore and remove the infection from my body. It was painful!!! She explained to me that it would heal and be fine. I took my band-aide, paid for the torture treatment and left. Within 24 hours the whole finger was swollen and I was off to the Emergency Room.
The kind ER doc immediately identified it as MRSA and took a swab to confirm his suspicions. MRSA is a nasty staph infection that is pretty much a horrible beast. Google it if you would like your stomach to turn. It's gross. He then numbed the finger and began to cut out tissue from my finger. This guy was digging into my finger bone-deep. I was so thankful for that magical shot that made the whole experience painless. While teasing him about how much tissue he was going to cut away he explained something that applies to each of our lives and get us back on the path of the story of the fight. In order for my body to heal, he had to take away ALL of the infected tissue and carefully take away a small layer of tissue that looked healthy but had been in contact with the infection. He also explained that my well meaning, newbie of a doctor had made the infection worse by attempting to squeeze the infection out and she had actually pushed in further into my body actually exposing me to the risk of blood infection. When he was done cutting a gaping hole into my finger, he packed it up with gauze and sent me home. Disclaimer: Some nurse out there may be reading this and have so much more information and a better description of this process. (Hi Big Elisha!) This is the process according to me ;)
Now back to "the fight". For years, my husband and I were both suffering from a marriage infection and "the fight" happened because it had gotten into our blood steam and was killing our marriage. We had seen well-meaning counselors, talked with friends, read books, and diagnosed ourselves. But we had never been willing to have ourselves cleaned out. Our hearts and marriage needed to be cut open and cleaned out. It needed to be bone-deep! Our issues would rise to the surface like a nasty infection and we would drain them and move on. Yet in our souls the infection grew. Here is what our infection looked like.
Anger that manifested into sin
Selfishness while never choosing to serve selflessly
Pride in what others saw in me versus what was truly there
Looking for him to be a prince while acting like the wicked queen (yup! I am gonna own that one)
Reading marriage books looking for either how to change him, manipulate him or push him into "healing"
The "roommate syndrome" - we passed off chores, kids and scheduling conflicts while forgetting that at one point in time I thought he was HOT and needed to get to that wedding night part ;)
We both became more focused on what to other person was doing wrong and quit looking in the mirror
We became experts at listing offenses!
We quit doing the small things - this is HUGE!!!
Let's just pause for a moment and let me explain something about marriage and the healing power of God. I met with an amazing friend for coffee after "the fight". We sat at a patio table in front of Starbucks and I declared to her that my husband and I were separating. When she asked why, I listed off like a poisonous viper all of the things wrong with that man that I had married. I could have went on for days... Now that I have the infection removed as I list the things that were wrong with my marriage the ones that I remember are mostly all mine. Praise be to God on that one! If you are wondering right now if you have a marriage infection...stop! Right now grab a piece of paper and write down what is broken in your marriage. If most of them are the other person's fault, then please find a counselor that is experienced in broken marriages. You are infected and my heart is breaking for you. But I can tell you this. If you have not signed the divorce papers, it is not too late! As a matter of fact, if you have signed them I would challenge you to examine your heart and see if it is still not too late.
I pray friends that you examine your life and look for any infections that you have not been treating. Maybe it's your finances, marriage, relationship with your kids, your job. Let's pray together that you have the faith to have your heart opened and drained of the infection.
Psalm 139:23 (ESV) Search me, O God and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!
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